Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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