JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
