he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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