shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
