I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
