Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
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