were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
