in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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