Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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