If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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