Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize