Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
