I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
