thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
accomplished twins. life is a go
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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