just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize