When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
