Sponge bath it is.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
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