She's JV to your varsity
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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