So drunk its hurt
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
