He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
