I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
areolas are like halos for boobs.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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