I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
