Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
