I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Please, let me fuck your mom
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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