Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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