i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
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