I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
