I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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