Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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