loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
