jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
