Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
