apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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