She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
