So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
