i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
