First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
