I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Reggie can tackle my bush.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
