his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
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Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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