My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
