I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
