then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Randomize
