Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
