I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I did not marry a roomba.
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