accomplished twins. life is a go
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
