alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
