Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
