Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
