Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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