YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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