having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Randomize
