Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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