You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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