'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
