yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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