i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
