he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Randomize
