This girl is more easily done than said...
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
