Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
