i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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