the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
