I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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